Someone recently asked me what to get for a new mom. I checked out a list on another blog, but noticed that her post was full of product endorsements. I think it's more helpful to give tips and advice about what kinds of gifts are useful to us, and other new parents with an alternative, eco-minded approach to parenting and life. While I only have one child, I still count--I mean--have done a lot of research and feel qualified to give the following advice.
First, let me mention again that Portland, OR is an amazing place to be an alternative, eco-minded parent. If you are reading this from elsewhere, you might have different resources available. I'd be interested to learn about your options and choices. Also, if you can help the overwhelmed parents get organized, sometimes it's nice to create a system where people can contribute to a big purchase item.
There are great sites online to make registries where you can just check off the items and buy them wherever is convenient/sustainable/local. Here's a link to another blog who already did the research so I don't have to: http://www.mom365.com/Wisdom/Pregnancy/Second%20Trimester/5%20Best%20Registry%20Sites.aspx
Consider these ideas if you're buying a shower or new baby gift for a family that wants to live as sustainably as reasonable (for them).
Clothes
Hand-me-downs are amazing. Check with the family to see if they are receiving hand-me-downs before buying a lot of clothes. Find out if they are getting just a certain age range, then get a different one.
If you do choose to buy clothes, second-hand shops are wonderful. The clothes are chosen carefully and a great deal more affordable than getting them new. Babies grow fast; some clothes never even get worn! There are also some eco-friendly shops that sell sustainable or fair trade baby clothes, if you must go new. A good pair of shoes for a 6-12 month-old is wonderful, as well. Try to avoid the cutesy clothes from the big box stores, as new, cheaply made clothes are sweat-shop made and just plain not necessary. Also, please avoid annoying gender-presumptive sayings all over the clothes that do not fit with the family you are buying for. "Daddy's Little Slugger", "Future Quarterback" or "Mommy's Little Princess" will most likely end up in the recycle bin, since second hand shops don't even want to go there.
Diapers
Find out what the family plans to do about diapers. There are hundreds of options and it's a pretty personal choice. Almost everyone will be doing a little bit of disposables, for example overnight or traveling times. There are chlorine free disposables, as well as more eco-friendly options as well. Many cloth diapers have a size minimum, so most babies will wear the itsy-bitsy newborn diapers for the first few weeks.
Cloth diapers are a big initial investment, but can save a family thousands of dollars over time. Most people choose one system and don't mix and match, because of the washing instructions and fitting combinations. If they are totally overwhelmed, a nice gift might be doing some research for them or buying a few single options for them to try out. There are some shops that sell just diapers, or online shops that will deliver. I asked my co-workers to each give me a diaper, as they were $17 a piece, and I got a perfect set of 20-25. Another helpful option is to contribute to the cost of a diaper service.
Craigslist
We bought all of our baby furniture, from a beautiful co-sleeper, dresser, crib, changing table, on Craigslist. I felt it was worth the effort. I'm not sure how logical it is to get a shower/baby gift this way, but it certainly is a wonderful marketplace of baby items. Always take precautions for safety and always ask about the working order before you set up the purchase.
Big Box Stores
Even the most sustainable parent will venture into a big box store from time to time. It's inevitable. We tried to have a registry at Target, but found that most items were only available online and limited. Babies R Us is made for baby gifts, it's laid out logically and it makes things easy. They do sell some organic products as well. On the other hand, everything is made in China, many of the items are cheaply made, and they are not likely to worry about what something is made of beyond safety recalls. I put Amazon.com in this category, too. There are more items available, but it works in much the same way. Items to get at a big box store:
- car seat (not recommended second hand)
- breast pump and accessories (also not recommended second-hand, but if you get one from a friend, that is ideal)
- furniture when you're over-budget and don't have time to browse craigslist
- baby gates, baby-proofing gadgets
Hello from Portlandia. The thing I love about this show is that it is so very accurate in making fun of the people here. And yet I still love living here, or rather, Portlandia's humor makes it easier to live here, easier to co-exist with the skinny vegan bicycle dude with a bird on his hat at the farmers' market asking for gluten free bagels. And yes, I am guilty of some of the same Colin-questioning as the next resident of Lala land.
In regards to baby making, we all generally get them in there the same way. But when it comes to getting them out & what to do with them once they are out, Portland(ia) has its own take on every aspect and I'm so very thankful to be living here. There are so many more alternatives available here for every aspect of child rearing. It's easy to accept the way we do it here as the norm, and I certainly wish it was in most cases. I forget that in the US, the rate of cesarean section is over 30% (http://www.childbirthconnection.org/article.asp?ck=10554) , that in some places, midwives are considered unusual or fringe and that breastfeeding for at least six months is at a rate of 47% nationally (CDC's Breastfeeding Report Card). Here in PDX, we are ahead of the game, which for childbirth means in some ways returning to the past, but with the benefits of today's medical technologies at hand. (PS: as I research this I noticed that Oregon has the highest rate in the nation for breastfeeding at three months and six months! Hurray!)
Take my birth for example: I worked with midwives at OHSU, one of the top teaching hospitals in the country. We had a doula to coach us through the birth. We took two classes, one was "Birthing from Within" (which Shannon could barely stomach) and another more conventional Basics of Birth class from Kaiser. In our birth plan, we had included hypnobirthing, water birth, and as many steps as possible to avoid drugs or other interventions. Once born, we co-slept with our baby, worked through many a breastfeeding issue with lactation consultants, breastfed exclusively for as long as possible (still happening), bought into all the alternative toys, carriers, and other baby gear, joined a moms' group with like-minded people, and attempted the newest thing in feeding: baby-led weaning.
Now don't get me wrong, I painstakingly researched every decision, and in the end I pretty much ended up doing what all the other moms of Portland(ia) were already doing.
I think that wherever you live, parenthood is a foray into confusing research, confounding choices and indoctrination into certain schools of thought. But somehow in Portland, there are just a lot more alternatives, or as some might see it, a lot more ways to go over the top with something. I don't care. It sure beats a hospital where doctors make all the choices for you, and going to Babies R Us for parenting information.
Here's the story of O's birth. As we prepared for the birth with exercises, classes, thoughts fears and intentions, we hoped we would have a good story to share with our son each year on his birthday. We talked to people with traumatic experiences or just births that didn't go how they wanted, and it was a struggle for them to frame the story so their child could enjoy hearing it. We lucked out: things went differently than we expected, but they went well, and it's a good story!
First, my pregnancy was a bit different than I expected. I've always been moderately thin (a little belly pooch), small-breasted, etc. In pregnancy, I got enormous, all in the belly. I got lots of the comments that pregnant women love: "are you having twins?" "Wow, you're huge!" My breasts fluctuated through lots of changes. I remember driving down the freeway and getting a pain in my breast so strong that I grabbed it. A truck driver saw me and honked nice and loud. Lovely.
Our plan was a natural waterbirth-hypnobirth. My mom, a hypnotherapist, helped me prepare for the hypnobirth with relaxation and visualization tracks on my ipod. I bought into some but not all of the hypnobirthing philosophy. Helping my body open up and relax with visualizations seemed quite logical, as did keeping the room calm and reducing distractions. Reframing the language around birth also made sense. But thinking that there would be "only pressure, no pain", or that there would be no need to push did not sound quite realistic. Maybe my realism was a self-fulfilling prophecy, I don't know. I took what I could from it, and it definitely helped me prepare for birth beforehand.
Being two weeks late, as far as the OHSU midwives would let me go, I was reluctantly induced. I had tried acupuncture twice (for $150 a pop) and twice my labor started, but then petered out. Much reassurance was given that the midwives would try mechanical induction methods first that Pitocin would be the last resort, and even then, it would be slow and monitored. We went in on a Wednesday morning, full of anticipation, still trying to encourage/cajole my body into starting on its own.
They began with a foley bulb, which is a tube put into your cervix with a water balloon that slowly inflates and expands the cervix. It only halfway worked. I got Misoprostil, the artificial prostoglandin which dilates the cervix, in two four hour sessions. A day and night of small contractions that I tried to imagine were getting bigger and closer together was frustrating. So was trying to sleep in a hospital bed. Finally, Thursday morning, the midwives said it was time for Pitocin. I was resigned to it. We asked if we could have breakfast and a shower first. I got my shower, but then my body kicked into gear on its own. I only got to have a few bites of huevos rancheros before I realized that it was finally happening. No huevos for me.
Shannon called our doula Venessa, and she arrived shortly. Quickly she and Shannon became a seamless team. I would have a contraction and I would yell, and she would encourage me to vocalize while Shannon rubbed my back or held onto me. I suppose I was having back labor, because as the intensity increased, I demanded the hip-squeeze, and eventually the butt squeeze. I required that they use all their strength to squeeze my hips together. They kept me super hydrated with water, Recharge (we brought a whole case to the hospital), protein drinks and fruit. They took turns with breaks so smoothly that I barely noticed when one was gone. They helped me in and out of the bathtub, down the hall, up and down but hardly ever on the bed.
The midwives/nurses filled up the water birth tub for me, which is quite an ordeal. The tub takes up most of the room, and they use a hose from the shower in the bathroom. Shannon and I went in. It felt soooo good in between contractions, but the water actually seemed to intensify the contractions for me. We got in and out a few times and I started to fear the contractions. The midwife wanted me to increase the intensity and shorten the distance between my contractions, so we just kept moving and hardly ever sat down or laid down on the bed. She also heard me vocalizing and suggested that I mellow it out, leave room for my contractions to intensify even more and have a voice left. I tried to take this in stride, but was slightly discouraged when she kept telling me I needed to get them stronger and closer together. Ultimately, my body dilated fully with contractions 4-6 minutes apart! It was sort of surprising to everyone involved. Of course I had nothing to compare to, nor did I have any sense of time.
I had planned to avoid an epidural if at all possible (that goes for a C-section too, of course). Halfway into labor, I thought "I can see why people get epidurals, and I see nothing wrong with it at all." The only thing that kept me from asking for one was that I HATE needles and the idea of something being stabbed into my spine was worse than the idea of the pain. What kept me going during labor was my team, for sure. I don't think I actually have a high tolerance for pain; I just relied on Shannon and Venessa to be my strength. Really, I physically leaned on them, sometimes putting all my 172 pounds around Shannon's neck. Also, all the preparation--the classes, the reading, the yoga and visualization--served to keep me from going to a place of fear, and it allowed me to stay in the moment. That and the pain of one contraction was all-consuming to the point that I didn't have chance to think too much.
When my water finally broke, I didn't notice that Venessa slipped out of the room for a moment. I was absorbed by the fact that water was gushing out of me, all over my legs, my slippers, the floor; everywhere I went I leaked. When she came back she had a nurse with her. After a while she calmly told me that there was meconium in the amniotic fluid, and that the midwife would come in to check it out, but it was probably fine. The midwife came and was just as calm and reassuring. She said that it happened in 30% of births, and it could mean nothing at all. It did change our plan. I could continue to labor in the water tub, but I couldn't give birth there. And there would need to be a pediatric team in the room when I crowned, in case there was an issue with the baby. The concern is if the baby had gotten meconium in his lungs. I said fine, get rid of the tub. They checked me and I only had a lip of cervix left, SOOO CLOSE!
A bit more contracting and gushing, and then there was a midwife/nurse shift change. The new midwife checked me and I was there! I started pushing, in the bed, on my side, using Shannon as an anchor, in a headlock. In retrospect, we really could've used the bar over the bed, but never thought to ask. I pushed for a good two hours, being directed to focus the energy down and out. I thought, well, there's no way out now but to push. At least if I keep pushing, I won't have to be pregnant any more. Oh, and I get a baby! When people were saying "here he comes", "there's his head", I thought they were just being nice. It seemed like he couldn't really be coming out already, but boom, there he was, placed on my chest, all bright and heavy and breathing! He was vigorous, though had some mucus to be cleared out. I never even noticed the pediatric team, waiting in the wings. Someone could come up to me on the street and say "hey, I was at your birth. I watched a baby come out your yoni" and I wouldn't know who they were.
I think I remember saying "is this real?" We talked to him, he suckled slightly, we caressed him and gazed in amazement, and then I noticed that other things were going on down there. My body wasn't contracting to get the placenta out. After all that natural labor, I ended up getting more misoprostil, Pitocin stabbed into my leg, and eventually a narcotic anesthetic in an IV, because the midwife had to manually remove my placenta. It didn't matter though, because he was out of me, and I had snuggled him, and during that operation, he was snuggling with Shannon, skin to skin, bonding. I felt elated, triumphant, and pretty tired. He nursed successfully, our family came in and gazed in amazement, he weighed in at a whopping 9 pounds 3 ounces, and the journey had begun.
Strange that I started this blog by talking about the garden when my main focus in life right now is this tiny creature in my lap. Creature? Yes, my husband and I always remind ourselves that he is a little person. Sometimes I wonder if humans are more like frogs and insects in that the change between little person and adult seems like a metamorphosis. Sure, we're born with arms and legs and the same basic anatomy, but he's just such a tiny, amazing being.
Waiting till I was 36 to have a baby has been somewhat conscious: I explored the world a lot before entering into family responsibilities. But now that I have been through it, I find it hard to imagine that I was missing out on experiencing this process for so long. Sure, I knew that pregnancy and birth were cool and how it all worked, biologically, but going through it is enlightening, of course. It amazes me that everyone came out of someone's vagina (or abdomen, I suppose), that most people nursed on their mother's breasts (I hope it's most, though probably less), and that so many people have been through this experience and been transformed by it. I'm so glad I got there, and Shannon got there, even if later than some.
